Home Alone is one of the best movie franchises made. I would say it is the best, but I have seen both Step It Up and Step It Up 2 - I think those movies and their brilliance speak for themselves. Dare I call them films?
Home Alone is great because it fulfills everyone's childhood family - being abandoned, getting to eat marshmallows with chocolate syrup on the couch, outwitting criminals, hanging out with people experiencing homeless new (part deux)... etc. The list could literally go on and on. Really and truly the best part of H.A. is the tricks and boy are they tricky (!!!)
In H.A. 2, Kevin (the caulkin kid) sets up a series of zany traps to get the bad guys (names unknown). He sets the traps up at his uncle's house - but really that part is confusing to me. It is essentially a construction site which he has access to. The criminals should hae been dead ten fold.
Curly Haired Bad Guy and Short Bad Guy see Kevin on the roof of the construction site. Kevin taunts them. They threaten to murder him. He throws a brick no less than 4 stories and it hits CHBG square in the face, knocking him to the ground. SBG is unfazed and searches for a way inside. He finds a door, this door is locked - when he opens the door, a ski bag filled with wrenches and pliers and other tools fall directly on his head. Meanwhile, CHBG recovers and gets into the house and falls directly into a hole, leading to the basement. SBG gets up and turns on a light which ignites his cap on fire. He notices he is on fire, tries to put himself out in the sink but the water is off and so he dunks his head in the toilet which was cleverly filled with kerosene. An explosion happens.
CHBG is in the basement lamenting in pain and he gets up, slips on goop and slides into a paint shelf. The shelf falls, dropping nearly hundred of paintcans on him and covering him with paint. Luckily, that doesn't hurt enough so he gets up, again unfazed and goes to wash his face off with some water from the sink. As we learned from SBG, the water has been turned off and Kevin attaches jumper cables to the sink's faucets. This causes CHBG to be electrocuted to the point that the audience actually sees his skeleton.
Although this is severe, he has not been killed yet. Then, he is able to get out of the basement and meets up with SBG and they are hit with a 20-50 lb barbell. This flings them back into the basement - thwarted again. Finally, after some more hijinks, they make it to the roof, where they see that Kevin has scaled down a rope onto the construction site below. Instead of going back out of the house -which feasibly could have been rigged with dy-no-mite, they decide to go down the rope as well. Kevin has cleverly soaked the rope in kerosene (where does he have access to these hazardous materials?) and lights it on fire. SBG and CHBG fall 4-5 stories to what you think is their demise.
No no, not that - at all. Kevin runs away, makes an anonymous phone call to the police, falls on some ice and in that time, the bad guys catch up with him.
Through another series of hilarious events, the bad guys get covered in birdsead, attacked by pigeons, attacked with fireworks and are arrest.
Problem solved and cinematic genius.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Jersey Shore: The train wreck continues
The next episode of the Jersey Shore has some high points. These jokes just write themselves.
Sammi is no longer with The Situation (Mike), but is now macking with Ronnie. Ronnie is still on the roids, but in this episode we discover he has a sensitive side. Oooh, he likes to cuddle. Jwwwwwoowowww's boyfriend is coming to visit. Remember Jwwwoowww cheated on her bf by seeing Pauly D's pierced penis. The boyfriend brought flowers and also looks like a d-bag. Can't judge a book by its cover though. I bet he's a real winner. By the end of the visit, they donezors though. Off again like Ronnie's tee.
Angelina's boyfriend is also coming to visit. There is a small problem though, her boyfriend is married. In Angelina's words "He doesn't even like hang out with his wife anymore". Well, then, that means he's not married, I hear that it is time clocked together that really determines a marriage.
Here is just an interaction between Snooki (or Snickers, Snooti, Snotty) and Pierced Penis *dramatic reinactment*
Snooki opens jar of pickles in the kitchen (Vlasic, probs)
Pauly D stares crazy like
Pauly D: What are you doing?
Snooki: Isn't there a food you like eat everyday?
PD: Yeah.
S: What?
PD: I don't know.
Snooki sucks on the pickle. Apparently she likes to get the "juice" out first. Her cap says "Pornstar in Training".
S: Stop staring at me, you pervert. Suck suck suck munch munch munch
Is this a scripted show? Because whoever wrote it is a genius.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Jersey Shore Episode 1 and 2
MTV is really on to something with their new programming. The Jersey Shore is, dare I say, the best new show on TV. The JS follows 20 somethings (some older than others) during their summer on the Jersey Shore, which is a place I never want to go.
The Jersey Shore has people who are from New Jersey and people who act like they are from New Jersey. These 8 strangers were picked to live in a house and have their lives taped. The only difference between JS and the Real World is the quality of the experience.... quality might not be the correct word. The JS is to the Real World like lunchables pizza is to real pizza. The ingrediants are all the same and they aren't exactly the same thing, but have their own individual merit.
There are too many good moments from these first two episodes to go over all of it. So, here are the highlights. Snooki (aka Snickers) gets drunk, touches all the guy's penises, gets in her thong in the jacuzzi, passes out, wants to go home, is late for work... etc. The best part is the phone. Snooki wakes up after drinking and the phone is ringing. They have a duck phone so it makes a quacking noise. She doesn't understand how the phone works. Jwwooowww's boyfriend calls and asks for her. She says "Hang on". He says "Don't hang up on me again, okay?" And she does. Priceless.
Vinny gets pink eye. Ronnie is on roids. Mike is "the situation" - that is his nickname. He is ugly, but also on roids. Sammi doesn't like puke breath. Neither do I. Angelina is the Kim Kardashian of the Jersey Shore. There are limited hotties on the Jersey Shore. And, Jwoowwwwwooww (real name: Jennifer) has the best highlights and saw Pauly D's pierced PENIS!!! She thinks that means she cheated on her bf - must be a great piercing.
Tune in next week, seriously.
The Jersey Shore has people who are from New Jersey and people who act like they are from New Jersey. These 8 strangers were picked to live in a house and have their lives taped. The only difference between JS and the Real World is the quality of the experience.... quality might not be the correct word. The JS is to the Real World like lunchables pizza is to real pizza. The ingrediants are all the same and they aren't exactly the same thing, but have their own individual merit.
There are too many good moments from these first two episodes to go over all of it. So, here are the highlights. Snooki (aka Snickers) gets drunk, touches all the guy's penises, gets in her thong in the jacuzzi, passes out, wants to go home, is late for work... etc. The best part is the phone. Snooki wakes up after drinking and the phone is ringing. They have a duck phone so it makes a quacking noise. She doesn't understand how the phone works. Jwwooowww's boyfriend calls and asks for her. She says "Hang on". He says "Don't hang up on me again, okay?" And she does. Priceless.
Vinny gets pink eye. Ronnie is on roids. Mike is "the situation" - that is his nickname. He is ugly, but also on roids. Sammi doesn't like puke breath. Neither do I. Angelina is the Kim Kardashian of the Jersey Shore. There are limited hotties on the Jersey Shore. And, Jwoowwwwwooww (real name: Jennifer) has the best highlights and saw Pauly D's pierced PENIS!!! She thinks that means she cheated on her bf - must be a great piercing.
Tune in next week, seriously.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
FTLORJ - Episode DANCE
This episode of For the Love of Ray J is about a dance competition. Ray J, I think that seeking out women who are good dancers might be the wrong way to narrow the competition, just a thought, boo. The women are divided into teams and I am not sure who is on what team because the women are still in negligable and in hard to remember numbers.
Luscious (left) and J Sinatra (right) smashing each other
Team 1: Hot Damn Crew. Extra is on this team she prayed beforehand so I am pretty sure with the luck of Speidi and Jesus, they are in like flin. This team is made up of strippers so they are all good dancers but maybe less than "refined", perhaps?
Team 2: Sting Rays - awful name, awful dancing, pathetically slow and uncoordinated. The crowd actually booed them.
Team 3: Talk of the Town - good and slightly risque for an MTV family show. Dare I say FTLORJ is a family show?
Talk of the Town wins and Luscious is on that team. Luscious, as discovered in this episode, smashed a homie. WTF is smashed a homie? First, "smashed" as a word for all hooking up activities? Not appropriate or factually accurate. Second, where do you find these homies? The man Luscious smashed is a DJ. Good taste, sweetie. Ray says to her: 'Do you know, J Sinatra? Like know?' Do you mean biblically, Ray?
Luscious (left) and J Sinatra (right) smashing each other
I appreciate that Ray doesn't want to be Eskimo brothers with J Sinatra, but thinking of people he smashed (am I using that correctly?) I think Luscious has much more to worry about.
Examples of people Ray has "smashed":
Good -
Less than great? + a dash of crazy (Danger from last season) -
"I want to dance with somebody" herself - and maybe was doing some crack? -
The Ruins - Episode #?
Very little happens on the most recent episode of The Ruins. The highlight is that Brad and Darrell both get sent home. Here is a dramatic reinactment of their fight:
Brad (very drunk and stumbling): What, what, let's fight!
Darrell (not at all drunk or stumbling and in fact, sitting): No, sir. I would not like to fight you.
Brad (drunker?): You're a bitch! + a push (gasp!)
Darrell: I'm not a bitch + punch + punch + punch
How this escalated so quickly, I don't know. Kiss your 30K goodbye, Darrell.
It is a to be continued episode which is my least favorite, but we do know that Casey is still there next week and that means the Challengers are going to lose.
Brad (very drunk and stumbling): What, what, let's fight!
Darrell (not at all drunk or stumbling and in fact, sitting): No, sir. I would not like to fight you.
Brad (drunker?): You're a bitch! + a push (gasp!)
Darrell: I'm not a bitch + punch + punch + punch
How this escalated so quickly, I don't know. Kiss your 30K goodbye, Darrell.
It is a to be continued episode which is my least favorite, but we do know that Casey is still there next week and that means the Challengers are going to lose.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
For the Love of Ray J 2
"This is so pretty, the glasses, the salads, the candles"
FTLORJ is back. Unfortunately, Ray did not find love with Cocktail. So VH1 has kindly offered him another chance to find love. Full Disclosure: I wish I had tried out for this show.
The show opens with a ride to the house and Alison paints a target on her chest immediately by saying she dated Tyson Beckford. Girl, haven't you seen these shows? You know what happened to the Russian girl last season.
Once at the house, the girls get beds, get drunk, and talk shit. Ray arrived at the house with some champagne and Leila is officially stupid, "I see Ray and uh huh oh yayaya" Alison expected him to be taller.
Next up: Nicknames!
Luscious (maybe, appropriate? but celibate)
Gifts (large boobs or STDs?)
Exotica (from Cape Verde and a stripper)
Platinum (because she is white)
Diego (because she is a mexican man)
Popper (booorrrrinnnngg)
Just right (money to get to the finals)
Heartbreaker (her vagina is a vice)
Extra (extraghetto, extra horrible)
Flossy (?)
Lava (pompeii, anyone?)
Caliente (this girl does not understand english)
Trouble (humps the table?)
Paradeez (boobs again)
Tipsy (drunk bitch; "great, he thinks I am drunk, well I am")
Adorable (money to win)
Jaguar (no words)
Mz Berry (she does look like her but is wearing a flight suit)
Fetticcini (serious death sentence when he names you after a filling and mostly tasteless starch)
Ray had some time with Caliente, a hot woman who is ESL and works for Playboy (probably in the accounting department, right?) and with the border patrol? Does she find that slightly demanding doing both?
Just Right might also be a stripper, but that is really par for the course with these shows. And I don't have any problem with strippers. Diego is booorrrring and a mexican man and wants to know the top 5 R&B artists? Do people actually think about that? The artists are make or break for her? Do people like that actually exist? Funniest part, is that he is completely condescending to her. NICE.
End of the show: Fetticcini goes home. Duh. Next week, more stuff.
FTLORJ is back. Unfortunately, Ray did not find love with Cocktail. So VH1 has kindly offered him another chance to find love. Full Disclosure: I wish I had tried out for this show.
The show opens with a ride to the house and Alison paints a target on her chest immediately by saying she dated Tyson Beckford. Girl, haven't you seen these shows? You know what happened to the Russian girl last season.
Once at the house, the girls get beds, get drunk, and talk shit. Ray arrived at the house with some champagne and Leila is officially stupid, "I see Ray and uh huh oh yayaya" Alison expected him to be taller.
Next up: Nicknames!
Luscious (maybe, appropriate? but celibate)
Gifts (large boobs or STDs?)
Exotica (from Cape Verde and a stripper)
Platinum (because she is white)
Diego (because she is a mexican man)
Popper (booorrrrinnnngg)
Just right (money to get to the finals)
Heartbreaker (her vagina is a vice)
Extra (extraghetto, extra horrible)
Flossy (?)
Lava (pompeii, anyone?)
Caliente (this girl does not understand english)
Trouble (humps the table?)
Paradeez (boobs again)
Tipsy (drunk bitch; "great, he thinks I am drunk, well I am")
Adorable (money to win)
Jaguar (no words)
Mz Berry (she does look like her but is wearing a flight suit)
Fetticcini (serious death sentence when he names you after a filling and mostly tasteless starch)
Ray had some time with Caliente, a hot woman who is ESL and works for Playboy (probably in the accounting department, right?) and with the border patrol? Does she find that slightly demanding doing both?
Just Right might also be a stripper, but that is really par for the course with these shows. And I don't have any problem with strippers. Diego is booorrrring and a mexican man and wants to know the top 5 R&B artists? Do people actually think about that? The artists are make or break for her? Do people like that actually exist? Funniest part, is that he is completely condescending to her. NICE.
End of the show: Fetticcini goes home. Duh. Next week, more stuff.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Ruination - The Ruins
"I feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof"
"I have way too forgiving of a heart and will take any of you back if you ask"
This week on The Ruins:
Recap: The Champions are great. The Challengers are less than great. Susie is still terrible, but not as terrible as Johnny Bananas.
The best part comes when it is supposed to be masterminded that Veronica (Semester at Sea) should go in the Ruins against KellyAnne (from some other season). But, they don't vote quick enough and haven't told enough of the teammates their plan, so the rest of the team didn't get the memo and vote in Ibis (Road Rules X-Treme - was that really on?) and Kimberly (the biggest bitch on the show).
I am thrilled with the prospect of Kimberly going home but more thrilled that Veronica gets to stick around. According to Evan, she has big tits and a big butt, which is apparently pleasing to his Canadian self. Who knew Evan was Canadian, was that obvious?
The End: The ruins is called the Spool, which is unraveling rope? Are any of these people seamstresses because this reminds me of Sewing Class in middle school.
Wes v. Cohutta: Seems like Wes is losing at the beginning, but then Kenny says the fateful phrase "It looks like Wes is losing". It always seems like when they say that it is just for suspense. We'll have to see at the end of the commercial.
Commercial Break: FOR THE LOVE OF RAY J is back! Why did I not sign up for this show? I want to love Ray J. Sexy Can I?
The End Continued: Cohutta wins. I am stunned! For real. I wish Wes wasn't going home, because I really like when people go rogue. But, Cohutta, I feel is a lot better as a person and maybe he and Kellyanne will get back together. Up Next, Ibis v. Kimberly. Ibis totally deserved to go in based on this performance. She is wheezing and coughing, please, this is the RUINS!!! And Kim is a hoss totes.
Next Week
Veronica and Evan in bed together, Syrus hit in the gonads, Johnny is always about Johnny.
"I have way too forgiving of a heart and will take any of you back if you ask"
This week on The Ruins:
Recap: The Champions are great. The Challengers are less than great. Susie is still terrible, but not as terrible as Johnny Bananas.
The best part comes when it is supposed to be masterminded that Veronica (Semester at Sea) should go in the Ruins against KellyAnne (from some other season). But, they don't vote quick enough and haven't told enough of the teammates their plan, so the rest of the team didn't get the memo and vote in Ibis (Road Rules X-Treme - was that really on?) and Kimberly (the biggest bitch on the show).
I am thrilled with the prospect of Kimberly going home but more thrilled that Veronica gets to stick around. According to Evan, she has big tits and a big butt, which is apparently pleasing to his Canadian self. Who knew Evan was Canadian, was that obvious?
The End: The ruins is called the Spool, which is unraveling rope? Are any of these people seamstresses because this reminds me of Sewing Class in middle school.
Wes v. Cohutta: Seems like Wes is losing at the beginning, but then Kenny says the fateful phrase "It looks like Wes is losing". It always seems like when they say that it is just for suspense. We'll have to see at the end of the commercial.
Commercial Break: FOR THE LOVE OF RAY J is back! Why did I not sign up for this show? I want to love Ray J. Sexy Can I?
The End Continued: Cohutta wins. I am stunned! For real. I wish Wes wasn't going home, because I really like when people go rogue. But, Cohutta, I feel is a lot better as a person and maybe he and Kellyanne will get back together. Up Next, Ibis v. Kimberly. Ibis totally deserved to go in based on this performance. She is wheezing and coughing, please, this is the RUINS!!! And Kim is a hoss totes.
Next Week
Veronica and Evan in bed together, Syrus hit in the gonads, Johnny is always about Johnny.
The Hills (much suckier without Lauren)
I watched the most recent episode of The Hills and I am just not impressed. I don't like Kristen enough to care about her and really, fighting over Justin Bobby - the guy with two first names? That is a new low. I always thought Audrina was dumb and so I forgave her penchant for that El Camino but Kristen seems smarter than that.
I also don't care that Holly Montag has a drinking problem. I don't care that Stephanie (who does not at all look like herself) used to have a drug problem and liked rehab. I don't care that Heidi wants a baby. The whole season is weak. Really weak. I think LC made the right decision getting out when she did.
PLUS!!! WTF is Jayde doing as a staple of these episodes? I don't care at all about that orange-faced woman and am really confused why Brody likes her. Brody and LC should have hooked up when they had the chance.
The best part of the episode was the preview for the next episode where Kristen and Audrina have a show down about Justin Bobby. Apparently JB has told K that A was never his GF. And he told A that he wasn't interested in K at all.
THIRD STRIKE, BUDDY
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The Best Show on TV: Also Known As The RUINS
There is a new Real World/Road Rules challenge called the Ruins. It's subtitle should be Wes vs. Everyone and Wes loses because he's stupid.
First, I want to say I love Wes. I love love love people who go rogue. I appreciate anyone who is willing to buck the system...but, he should be a lot smarter about it.
Rule 1 when going rogue: Don't tell the people you are fucking over that you are going to fuck them over...seriously
Rule 2 WGR: Develop a plan that actually shows you are a threat to those you a fucking over. For example, do not just swing back and forth on a rope to make someone fall off and then fail at it because of not following Rule 1.
Rule 3 WGR: Do not act like you are hurt when people don't like you after you try to stab them in the back. It is totally cool to stab people in the back, especially when those people are Evan, Kenny or Johnny (Team Evelyn forever).
See: "I am a champion but I don't feel like champion", "why do you say that, it like hurts so bad!", "I want to inspire fucking kids" (yes, you read that right)
Wes is also giving his money to charity to inspire kids? And he wants to teach kids to deal with their ex-girlfriends and boyfriends? What the hell does that mean, Wes? You want to teach children to deal with their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends... is this an abstinence only thing?
Quick recap from the most recent episode:
Wes is sad
Evelyn is still gone
There is not enough Kelly Anne
Susie is 100% a sociopath (no joke)
The Challengers Win because Derrick couldn't figure out what to do with a bag... hint: he is supposed to carry it
The Challengers nominate Brianna - bad dye job, even Evan can spot it v. Susie and Adam v. Syrus
Syrus beats Adam (really no contest, have you seen Syrus?)
Susie beats Brianna proving she is a sociopath
And we wait for next week, folks!
First, I want to say I love Wes. I love love love people who go rogue. I appreciate anyone who is willing to buck the system...but, he should be a lot smarter about it.
Rule 1 when going rogue: Don't tell the people you are fucking over that you are going to fuck them over...seriously
Rule 2 WGR: Develop a plan that actually shows you are a threat to those you a fucking over. For example, do not just swing back and forth on a rope to make someone fall off and then fail at it because of not following Rule 1.
Rule 3 WGR: Do not act like you are hurt when people don't like you after you try to stab them in the back. It is totally cool to stab people in the back, especially when those people are Evan, Kenny or Johnny (Team Evelyn forever).
See: "I am a champion but I don't feel like champion", "why do you say that, it like hurts so bad!", "I want to inspire fucking kids" (yes, you read that right)
Wes is also giving his money to charity to inspire kids? And he wants to teach kids to deal with their ex-girlfriends and boyfriends? What the hell does that mean, Wes? You want to teach children to deal with their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends... is this an abstinence only thing?
Quick recap from the most recent episode:
Wes is sad
Evelyn is still gone
There is not enough Kelly Anne
Susie is 100% a sociopath (no joke)
The Challengers Win because Derrick couldn't figure out what to do with a bag... hint: he is supposed to carry it
The Challengers nominate Brianna - bad dye job, even Evan can spot it v. Susie and Adam v. Syrus
Syrus beats Adam (really no contest, have you seen Syrus?)
Susie beats Brianna proving she is a sociopath
And we wait for next week, folks!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A Diva is a female version of a hustler
Beyonce is doing Single Ladies... I can only hope for the ass-smack choreo
Justin Bieber ROCKS
Yes, he is 15 and yes his music video involves a wild party with silly string... but he just slammed Kanye. YES - in your face!!!
"Let's give it up for Taylor Swift, she really deserved that award"
"Let's give it up for Taylor Swift, she really deserved that award"
Fuck Kanye
So, I am watching the VMAs and Taylor Swift just won best female video... she was against Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Pink, and Kelly Clarkson. Kanye got on stage, took the microphone from Taylor while she was giving her adorable acceptance speech and he said that Beyonce had the best music video of the year.
Totes uncool :(
Totes uncool :(
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Hitched or Ditched
There is a show on the CW called "Hitched or Ditched". Friends or family of long-term couples nominate them for the show. These concerned folks want the couple to either say I Do or Adeiu *clever CW clever*. The couple on Tuesday's show was really devoid of problems (except that they have sucky friends), so the producers decided to SPICE it up.
They invited the possible bride's ex-boyfriend to her bachelorette party. Because, you know, getting pressured into marrying in 4 days isn't bad enough.
The couple does get the wedding completely paid for should they actually decide to get married. So that means, the bride has to try on WEDDING DRESSES!!!!! And she wanted to look like a princess...I mean, who doesn't? Well, lots of people...like people who aren't princesses, don't live in fantasies, don't have friends who sign them up for game shows that involve putting their life and happiness on the line ETC ETC ETC. I jest, of course, because more than just this demographic want to be princesses.
See BRIDEZILLA on the Oxygen Network - a show about women who have lost their minds in preparation of a wedding. They all want to be princesses, have the perfect day (totally attainable), demand their bridesmaids wear certain colors the days approaching the wedding, etc and other normal requests.
They invited the possible bride's ex-boyfriend to her bachelorette party. Because, you know, getting pressured into marrying in 4 days isn't bad enough.
The couple does get the wedding completely paid for should they actually decide to get married. So that means, the bride has to try on WEDDING DRESSES!!!!! And she wanted to look like a princess...I mean, who doesn't? Well, lots of people...like people who aren't princesses, don't live in fantasies, don't have friends who sign them up for game shows that involve putting their life and happiness on the line ETC ETC ETC. I jest, of course, because more than just this demographic want to be princesses.
See BRIDEZILLA on the Oxygen Network - a show about women who have lost their minds in preparation of a wedding. They all want to be princesses, have the perfect day (totally attainable), demand their bridesmaids wear certain colors the days approaching the wedding, etc and other normal requests.
I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!!!
Quotes from this episode of IACGMOOH:
Oh man, we are going to be bros. - Janice
I can take a lot of electricity. - Daniel Baldwin.
I shouldn't have eaten that cheese for my mucus - Janice
Best part of the episode? Janice peeing in the campsite. That's against the rules because rats are attracted to urine and rats bring snakes. Janice doesn't do this when anyone is looking - in fact, it is when everyone is asleep. Then when there is a note in the morning, asking everyone to refrain from urinating in the campsite, she acts indignant like it wasn't her.
Also, Torrie has never "sawed a log"...especially with 2 people. WTF? Have most people?
"Have you ever used a hand granade?"
EDIT: New best part of the episode (should have waited until the end) - the girls won a prize (sports equipment and granola bars and smoothies). Janice discovered the prize first and took a granola bar and ate it secretly in the woods like a chipmunk. Then, when they discovered the prize, there were only 3 bars left. Janice feigned ignorance and ate a second! as soon as I can get one, I will post a picture of her chipmunk-awesome face
Oh man, we are going to be bros. - Janice
I can take a lot of electricity. - Daniel Baldwin.
I shouldn't have eaten that cheese for my mucus - Janice
Best part of the episode? Janice peeing in the campsite. That's against the rules because rats are attracted to urine and rats bring snakes. Janice doesn't do this when anyone is looking - in fact, it is when everyone is asleep. Then when there is a note in the morning, asking everyone to refrain from urinating in the campsite, she acts indignant like it wasn't her.
Also, Torrie has never "sawed a log"...especially with 2 people. WTF? Have most people?
"Have you ever used a hand granade?"
EDIT: New best part of the episode (should have waited until the end) - the girls won a prize (sports equipment and granola bars and smoothies). Janice discovered the prize first and took a granola bar and ate it secretly in the woods like a chipmunk. Then, when they discovered the prize, there were only 3 bars left. Janice feigned ignorance and ate a second! as soon as I can get one, I will post a picture of her chipmunk-awesome face
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!!!!
So the Pratts are back and better than ever! Heidi and Spencer (mostly Spencer) had a religious conversion, making last night's episode of IACGMOOH so much better.
So a recap: Heidi and Spencer joined the show. Heidi cried. Spencer and Heidi decided to leave. While driving to the airport, Heidi wonders if they are making the right decision. Here is a dramatic reinactment of that car ride:
Heidi: Spencer, I don't know if we are doing the right thing.
Spencer: Of course we are. We are super celebrities.
H: I'm going to pray about it *starts reading the bible aloud*
S: *starts "pouring water" and vomitting*
H: Are you okay, Spencer?
S: Yes, keep reading *vomits again*
As she keeps reading, Spencer jumps in the creek (what creek, you ask? I don't know, just part of the story folks)
Because of this, Speidi decide that the devil was pushing them away from Costa Rica and that they have to go back. They beg the show's producers to let them back on and they agree as long as they stay in a locked room for 1 night. The room is filled with spiders, snakes, cob webs, acorns, wind...etc. The couple survives and make it back to camp.
Because of Spencer's religious conversion, he doesn't "Spence out" when he gets angry anymore. Instead, he is calm. BTW: the religious conversion came after Stephan Baldwin baptized him in a river, so I totally trust it.
Heidi tells Sanjaya that she is on earth to serve god, help orphans, and hold babies. Her main goal is to go to Africa and build and orphanage. Sanjaya does not believe her. Heidi becomes sick in the jungle and throws up. Spencer is convinced that she is expelling demons from her body, so does not think that this is a problem until 2 days later she is still sick and they rush her to a hospital. She has a gastric ulcer, not demons - but reasonably, maybe they already were expelled.
So Speidi are again OFF the show and probably for good. Wednesday we will have a new cast member - Holly Montag
So a recap: Heidi and Spencer joined the show. Heidi cried. Spencer and Heidi decided to leave. While driving to the airport, Heidi wonders if they are making the right decision. Here is a dramatic reinactment of that car ride:
Heidi: Spencer, I don't know if we are doing the right thing.
Spencer: Of course we are. We are super celebrities.
H: I'm going to pray about it *starts reading the bible aloud*
S: *starts "pouring water" and vomitting*
H: Are you okay, Spencer?
S: Yes, keep reading *vomits again*
As she keeps reading, Spencer jumps in the creek (what creek, you ask? I don't know, just part of the story folks)
Because of this, Speidi decide that the devil was pushing them away from Costa Rica and that they have to go back. They beg the show's producers to let them back on and they agree as long as they stay in a locked room for 1 night. The room is filled with spiders, snakes, cob webs, acorns, wind...etc. The couple survives and make it back to camp.
Because of Spencer's religious conversion, he doesn't "Spence out" when he gets angry anymore. Instead, he is calm. BTW: the religious conversion came after Stephan Baldwin baptized him in a river, so I totally trust it.
Heidi tells Sanjaya that she is on earth to serve god, help orphans, and hold babies. Her main goal is to go to Africa and build and orphanage. Sanjaya does not believe her. Heidi becomes sick in the jungle and throws up. Spencer is convinced that she is expelling demons from her body, so does not think that this is a problem until 2 days later she is still sick and they rush her to a hospital. She has a gastric ulcer, not demons - but reasonably, maybe they already were expelled.
So Speidi are again OFF the show and probably for good. Wednesday we will have a new cast member - Holly Montag
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Daisy of Love Recap
There is a new Love show on VH1 called Daisy of Love. Daisy was a star on Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels and then when she was not choosen as Bret's Rock, VH1 offered her a show to find love herself.
The troubling part - it is very unlikely Daisy is going to find love. And I'm not saying this as a cynic, but rather because for the past 4 episodes, the men have left of their
own volition. They cite reason after reason for not wanting to be with Daisy. The most recent failure was a contestant named "Cage".
Cage has "Fight or Die" tattooed on his neck. Cage has a temper. And Cage is - as his name suggests - a cage fighter. Cage became angry with one of the other contestants. Daisy heard about the fight and tried to consol him, to no avail. Cage then offered a BRILLIANT solution - he and the other contestant would take their mics off, go to the "bottom of the hill", and whoever comes back (definitely implication of ALIVE) gets to stay on the show. Instead of kicking Cage out immediately for being completely off his rocker, Daisy gave him the opportunity to stay or go. Even given her generosity for allowing someone with murderous thoughts to stay, Cage opted to leave.
My bet is on Big Rig to win it all.
The troubling part - it is very unlikely Daisy is going to find love. And I'm not saying this as a cynic, but rather because for the past 4 episodes, the men have left of their
own volition. They cite reason after reason for not wanting to be with Daisy. The most recent failure was a contestant named "Cage".Cage has "Fight or Die" tattooed on his neck. Cage has a temper. And Cage is - as his name suggests - a cage fighter. Cage became angry with one of the other contestants. Daisy heard about the fight and tried to consol him, to no avail. Cage then offered a BRILLIANT solution - he and the other contestant would take their mics off, go to the "bottom of the hill", and whoever comes back (definitely implication of ALIVE) gets to stay on the show. Instead of kicking Cage out immediately for being completely off his rocker, Daisy gave him the opportunity to stay or go. Even given her generosity for allowing someone with murderous thoughts to stay, Cage opted to leave.
My bet is on Big Rig to win it all.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Ricki Lake is Back!
Ricki Lake is back...hosting Charm School 3 - hosted first by Mo'Nique, then Sharon Osbourne and now long forgotten Ricki Lake. Similar to her talk show, she is dealing with crazies seeking their time in the spot light and maybe finding love?. And no one does that better than Brittany Star!! In this picture, she is probably thinking of 20 ways to get Ashley to like her and not lock her in bathrooms:
Sadly, she is kicked off after several episodes and exclaiming her wish to become a parent. I wish her luck with that :)
Sadly, she is kicked off after several episodes and exclaiming her wish to become a parent. I wish her luck with that :)Heidi, Spencer, and Janice
I'm a little disappointed by I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! . There is not enough Spencer, Heidi, or Janice. Janice has some illness and I think Speidi quit. They are the only reason to watch the show! What will I do without them?
This face, for your viewing pleasure:
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